It’s come to my attention recently
that several ladies I am very close to are requesting my services to keep them
informed on where Mr. Right could be. Sigh. I figured the best way to report my
findings should be in speech format, since I give my input on the situation that
seems to be “being on a soap box” as it were. So pay attention for I’m only
saying it once.
To the Ladies throughout the world!
I am here to report that after much
research and constant surveillance I have come to the proper solution to your
problems on why you can’t attain the perfect man, a.k.a. “Mr. Right.”
It is quite simple. You, the individuals
with your attitudes and unique biological design, have lost focus on what truly
matters: YOURSELVES! Welcome to the 21st century. The Dark Ages of
reasoning and old-fashioned mantra should be cast aside immediately! Why must
you wait on the man to approach you in any public outing, when you can take action
on your own accord? Introduce yourself first! Beat him to the punch, flip the
script, put him on watch. You mustn’t worry about his actions and motives. You
have your own to worry about. Honestly. A woman that makes the first move has a
better survival rate in the dating jungle than one who waits for his own timing to act. Sometimes ladies, that will
involve you to pitch a tent, pack a lunch, roll out a sleeping bag, and light a
candle. You will be there for quite some time. The female who approaches first
however will begin her dating conquest on her own terms and at her own personal
schedule.
It’s been said in many books, articles,
magazines, and so forth that women adore confidence from men. Ladies, we are
the exact same way. Instead of being on these websites waiting and/or pleading
for a proper suitor to come around; the public place in the end will always be
the front lines to find a suitable mate. You may use those sites to find that
person, but no matter what, you still have to get out and meet them publicly. So,
I say skip the sites entirely and just stick to the old program that Mom and
Dad used decades ago. When I say public places I am not talking about the local
watering hole. I’m talking about the park where you walk your dog every morning
before you head to work through the weekdays. I’m talking about the café down
the road that makes your latte the way you prefer it with the foam not being
too thick and the espresso being one and a half shots, not two. I’m talking
about the gym that has the treadmill set to your own personal speed right next
to the window with the oak casting shade of the bench underneath where the
birds perch gazing upon you once in a while. These places are vital to getting
your ass out and into the open. That’s half the battle though. The real war
between the trenches is the ideal to retain a response from the person you are
interested in.
Not that hard I say. Simple example: “My
name is blah blah, what’s yours?” Yes, this seems to be the opening sequence a
man does all the time. Women can do the same as well. Yes, I also know this isn’t
very lady-like. Does it really matter what falls in the lines of lady-like or
not if it ends in suitable results catered to your own desires? That’s my way
of saying the door becomes open to having an open relationship with someone
down the road. That’s what you want, correct? The end result of that first
introduction to lead to a date(s) in the near future is what most women want,
and what most men don’t mind doing.
While you continue the speaking, and
texting, and e-mails, and social media conversations going; you remember this
notion; good, honest, loyal, sincere men who are indeed single; like yourself,
are involved in the same goofy, loopy scenario you are right freaking now! I
mean it. There’s some Joe Shmo eyeing a brunette at his gym wondering how he
should speak to her. He’s probably rehearsed the speech and introduction
several times in front of his mirror at home. He’s probably got to know her
schedule down to a mathematical formula that even Einstein would shake his head
and say (use fake German accent) “vy haven’t I seen dat bevore.” He’s probably figured how many miles she runs
on that same treadmill every day and broken the hours between that day to
wonder how he would ever keep up with her in a marathon. You see? Men do the
research on their potential mate just like we would do on a research paper in
college. Why aren’t you doing the same? When someone hunts a particular target,
they must familiarize themselves with that target. In the olden days you’d do
that on the first date. Well, you should give this new notion a try. Please don’t
use Google you cheater! Just stay attentive to the local area you go to, and
you’ll pick up some way to talk of something that will interest him and you.
Bingo! The ice breaker of the introduction has been excavated, examined, and
now will be presented without the subject even noticing it. By then, you should
be “in like flint.” If not, congratulations. You have now determined he has no
interest in you whatsoever. That will save you from grief and future consumption
of ice cream because he left you for the BBD, the Bigger Better Deal.
Dating is all on you. I can’t control
that part of this for you have to cater to the person you’re dating. I’m saying
not all guys are the same. But this is where it gets interesting, and I need to
make this clear as day. Please do not make comparisons of past relationships to
the current one. Why? It’s instant downfall. It’s like getting his name
tattooed on you. You know it’s not going to last, gonna be a pain to get rid
of, or worse, “inked” over. Don’t do it. Treat every man you date as an open
canvas. Make the outline, fill in the color, fine tune the details, and then
step back to weigh if the painting is worth keeping or selling on Ebay. Dating
is trial-and-error. You will get your heart broken, no doubt in my mind. The
idea is to find the one that doesn’t break it AT ALL. Period. No questions
asked. If at any moment his standards don’t meet to your par at day one; hit
the eject button immediately. Save the tears for someone who cared for you, not
someone who didn’t. The ones who fight to keep you after he made a mistake;
those are ones you handle with kid gloves. You give him one more shot. Nothing
more.
Now what’s the proper protocol for a perfect
man? I have no clue. Male and female are never the same. So it’s on what you
want. Remember though; if it fails DELETE his number, his profile, his clothes,
his everything from you. Do not go backwards to ex’s. The military created the
X program on their planes for they were creating the one that flew right to
their specifications. “Bob, the X-2 failed to clear the flight deck. Well then
Tim, scrap the engines on the X-2, fix the problem, and call her the X-3.” See,
this is where EX came from. X meaning experimental. That’s why they’re ex’s,
for they were the experimentation process to finally nabbing the man of your
dreams…your future husband.
There’s
more information out there to be researched ladies. Just have to know where to
look. If this blog heightened your interest, then screw it. I’ll write a book.
Yep. I’ll do it. There’s so many books from women on dating, but barely any on
men. Well, I mean men in THIS century where stuff has changed entirely. So let me
know. Hope you enjoyed this little speech. Hopefully it gets heard…so I can
retire as most friend’s “relationship doctor.” I should’ve charged years ago. I
could’ve owned a Ferrari by now!
